Don’t Kick the Ant Bed

Posted on Wednesday, December 01, 2010

When I was a kid, I loved to kick ant beds. Admittedly even as a reasonably mature adult, when I cut the yard and spot them around my house, sometimes I still kick. I don’t know why, it serves no real purpose; I know they can bite- but I just do. My clients like to kick ant beds. They do things that piss of their spouse for no good reason. It causes unnecessary hardship for everyone.

Regardless of what we say, when we are going through a family crisis, we try to do stuff to hurt our spouse or our ex. It is human nature. Sometimes we do it so that even if its anger, we will get SOME emotion from them. Sometimes we do it to fight back. Sometimes we do it because we are just not thinking.

Don’t kick the ant bed. Ants bite.

I know that writing “slut” on the “for” line of the child support check feels good for about five seconds. It sounds like a good idea in theory to take your soon-to-be-ex-husband’s favorite gun and stuff hotdogs down the barrel. Reimbursing your wife for her attorney’s fees in pennies or taking your husband’s beloved computer and putting the nude pictures of his girlfriend as the screen saver and emailing it to everyone in the Bible study group is something that you may see on an HBO sit-com, but these endeavors are as fruitless as kicking an ant bed.

Remember, most attorneys charge by the hour. Is kicking the ant bed worth the money it is about to cost you? Take a look at an excerpt from a bill:

Telephone conference from counsel opposite about ant bed kicking 0.25 $50.00

Received and reviewed letter from counsel opposite about ant bed kicking 0.25 $50.00

Telephone conference with client about WTF she was thinking 0.50 $100.00

Received and reviewed Motion for Citation for Contempt 0.50 $100.00

Attended hearing on Motion for Citation for Contempt 4.00 $800.00

TOTAL $1,100.00

I rest my case.

By: M. Craig Robertson