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The Sugar Jacket
Posted on Thursday, October 13, 2011
One of my favorite television programs is Modern Family. In one episode, the character, Gloria, coaxed her husband into giving advice on the "Good Dog, Bad Dog Training System." Guillermo, the entrepreneur, described his business idea with honesty and excitement. The system was fatally flawed, however: it rewarded the dog for being good or for being bad. For being good, the dog got a bacon-flavored treat; for being bad, it got a bland treat. After listening to the pitch, Gloria's husband, Jay, bluntly told Guillermo the idea was not good. The would-be businessman wept. Gloria told Jay that he should have been nice and "put on the sugar jacket" when he commented on the plan.
Parties in family law cases can learn from this episode. When you talk to your lawyer, don't be afraid to tell the truth about your case, no matter what he or she might say in response. I personally deal with these topics all day long, so if you call me, don't feel uncomfortable being completely honest. Believe me, yours is probably not the worst one I have ever heard, and I can't help if I don't know all the facts.
Also, as an advocate and advisor in family law cases, I can't always sugar coat the truth, or "put on the sugar jacket." It just doesn't match the rest of my attorney ensemble for most occasions, no matter how nice I think it might look. So, don't get upset if, in my opinion, you don't have grounds to get your visitation schedule modified, or if you don't have grounds for divorce in Mississippi under our antiquated laws. Don't take it personally if I think you have significant financial exposure due to a decision you made.
The truth hurts sometimes, but it's always what you need to hear as a client. Your attorney will probably say things you don't want to hear from the beginning of your relationship. Getting the sugarcoated version of things isn't what you need to make good, informed decisions about your life.
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Marriage is hard, there is no denying it and sometimes couples want to test the waters so-to-speak to see if they want to stay and work on their marriage or if they are ready to begin the divorce process. Couples who are not ready for divorce often opt for a trial separation, i.e. someone moves out of the house, gets an apartment, as if they are taking a so-called break from the marital home and possibly the marital relationship. Some states have laws that allow for couples to have a “legal separation”, however, Mississippi does not. Here the rule is simple: the law favors marriage. You are married until you are divorced or someone is dead. There is no such thing as legally separated in Mississippi, couples cannot go to a court and request that it put a hold on the marriage. This does not mean that you and your spouse cannot agree to a separation, it only means that any such agreement will not be judicially enforced. 
1 Comments
on 18-Oct-2011 09:17 AM
George Says:
Very good advice. I really enjoy this show and I really enjoyed your post.