I’m calling for a cease-fire. If you are divorced or divorcing, please put away your weapons. Lawyers, holster your guns. It’s Christmas. Work is winding down, and excitement is mounting in the spirits of children everywhere –even the big kids. The divorce will be there to pick back up again on January 5th. Your ex will still be a jerk next year, so a temporary reprieve will give you energy for the conflict yet to come. This Christmas, hit the reset button of your life and think about what you want to have accomplished this time next year. You too, Lawyer. How will you grow as a person from this unique set of circumstances?
Sure Craig, this crap is easy for you to say. I’m pissed. How do I contain the anger boiling inside? I stipulate it is not easy. But summon self-control. Have patience and poise. Think big picture and let the small stuff go. Think forest, not trees.
While law enforcement obviously continues to work over the holidays, and you should call them if you need them, most courthouses have limited staff and judges are in the woods hunting or they are out shopping. They are getting some rest. They are worried about their families, not so much yours. Believe it or not, as much as we want to help you, successful family lawyers are not sitting around plotting and scheming in our dark little offices about you and your divorce, so you shouldn’t be either. Focus your energy on things you can control, and count your many blessings, and as the old song goes, count them one by one.
For me, when I am off work and out of my routine, after resting for two or three days, I can feel my creativity begin to percolate. Distance tends to give one perspective. I know you are not going to be with your kids the entire holiday, but is that really all bad? You are a wonderful, complicated, dynamic person who is more than just a great mom or dad, and more than someone’s wife or husband. Do some volunteer work. Help someone who needs it. Also, take time for introspective reflection, planning and goal creation. Where do you want to be in six months, a year, three and five? The holidays are a perfect time for this when the busyness subsides.
Unwind. Find a great book, listen to a new album from cover to cover, go see a movie (I am going to see Unbroken) and focus your energy on the pluses of your life and not the minuses.
While you cannot control the bullets your spouse or your ex continues to fire, you can decide right now that you will not shoot back. You can decide this holiday season your glass is more than half full and you will rise above your circumstances. You are a winner. You are a champion. You are unique.
Craig Robertson is a divorce attorney practicing throughout Mississippi.